Hurt

I don't know if you will ever see this, but I need to get this off my chest.
We were best friends, or so I though, I considered you a sister, I was always there for you, always happy for you, especially when you found your current boyfriend, I planned a surprise party for your birthday, spent money on you without a second thought.  Why couldn't you be happy for me when I found Matt, why were you so against my happiness?  You were selfish, stubborn, and downright nasty.  I lost a sister when you left me, and that is a scar I will always carry.  I forgive you though, it's the right thing to do, I had to get my feelings out somehow, and like I said I don't know if you will ever even see this, but if you do, know that I will always care about you, no matter how you hurt me, and if you take anything from this, be happy for your friends, no matter what, even if it isn't something you would choose for yourself, it's their choice, you like someone for their good qualities, but you love them for their faults.  Don't condemn them for life just because you don't agree with them, because in the end its only you who loses.
Oh and stop talking about your friends behind their backs, its very rude, I won't name names, but she didn't deserve you telling her secret without her consent.

My mind is a steel trap

Ha ha not really, ok, so not very many people read my blog, so whatever, I recently joined weight watchers so that I could get my life back on track, I just want to be healthy and feel good about myself, I'm not trying to be scary skinny, but lets face it, even if I tried my curves are too much for any skinny twig body to handle and I'm fine with that, in fact I love my curves, what I don't love is the fact I'm teetering on the edge of making myself really sick with the extra weight I've gained through the stress of high school/ college drama and its time for a change.  I'm going to eat well, exercise and feel better about how I'm treating my body, because seriously its suffered a lot of crap because of me.  So this is the real me, overweight, and unhealthy, and I'm ready to accept myself for who I am and make myself healthier for myself, because lets face it, in the end I'm the only one who is with myself every moment of everyday, and I want to stick around for a long ass time
Ok I'm done ranting, wish me luck!
-Sammi

(Giving mobile blogging a try)Ok, so i recently set up my phone so that i could blog from it but haven't tried it until now, fingers crossed, hope this works

Winter Term Introductions

I love how every term there is at least one teacher who asks you to introduce yourself, and this term its my Intro to Computer Applications teacher, he wanted us to tell who we are, what are major is and our relationship to computers. It was funny to me because it got me thinking. I love computers, or I should say Im addicted to them, I literally cannot live without computers, and then when I think about it some more I remember I didnt always have computers in my life, I didnt have a cell phone, a laptop, a kindle. I got my first desktop computer when I was 8, my first cell phone at 11, my laptop at 17, and my kindle at 21. The funniest thing was when I realized how my addiction directly affects the amount of errors I experience. My desktop died when I decided to try to play with the colors displaying on the monitor, I have in 10 years gone thru 8 phones, none of which lasted without breaking (except the one that was stolen, I dont know if that one survived), my laptop has committed suicide 6 times in the last 4 years, and just last night my kindle froze on me while I was using it, which makes me wonder if I wouldnt just be better off without computers? How is your relationship with computers? Do you have any interesting stories about computer errors? Do you have any suggestions as to why electronics/ computers dont work well with me? Id love to know what I may be doing wrong.

Loves and Hugs,

Sammi

New Year New Me!

I am done feeling sorry for myself, I look at what few posts I have on here and I am amazed that I was so down in the dumps in just about all of them, I'm going to start being a happier person, and with the help of my loving boyfriend (hopefully soon fiance) that will be the easiest part of the new year. The hard part involves school, work, and my health, I plan to take charge of those this year, it may be hard, but I'm gonna go for it. I need to keep up with studying and homework, I need to prepare for co-op job placement (hopefully working with people who hope to better themselves, not stay low on the totem pole) and get my health in check, I've been lazy and haven't worked out as much as I should because of the stress in other parts of my life, but now that it's the new year I'm not letting anything get out of hand, and so in turn everything will have a time and will be attended to.

So... heres to a brand new me!

it hurts

my chest feels like its about to explode, i don't know what i did to make him do this to me, i loved him, i still love him, and when he did that it was as though my heart was no longer there, but replaced by this void, a hole i have only ever felt once before. i know its not right to judge your happiness based on someone elses feelings about you, but thats not what this is, my happiness is based on who i chose to share my heart with, and when i have my heart ripped apart like this its as though it doesn't matter anymore, its as though life lost all its meaning, and i am jealous, i think non stop, is he with someone else, is that the reason, is that why this happened... dammit, i hate this, i just want it to end, for everything to go away, why did this have to happen

this has to be the worst birthday ever

ok so my "best friend" and i were gonna go to the water park together as a kind of celebration for my birthday, and then i think well maybe we can invite a few others, and im thinking people i know, but she invites her, well whatever he is, the guy shes kinda dating but says she just met, and some girl ive never met, but whatever that s fine i don't care, what really gets me though, is that i had to plan it, i had to get the passes, and i can't do that until im absolutely positive about the number of people coming... and i didn't find that out until last minute, and by then its too late, the passes have been sold out since the discount started, so even if i had tried when we first thought about it i couldn't have gotten them, and she goes off on me, how its all my fault, the day is ruined because of me, im an awful person.........
WAIT A MINUTE....... today was supposed to be about me.... its my birthday........ i was the one who thought of this....... i was the one who told her i needed to know as soon as possible how many people were comeing, and she didn't attemt to do anything to help, she said ok ill invite people then never told me who all was coming until the night before.... and somehow its my fault.... i don't think so.......
and to truly put this in perspective, i spent months, and over a hundred dollars on this girl for her birthday, i planned a surprise party with decorations that cost a pretty penny, and bought her a ticket to the f-ing ballet, thats $50 + right there, and all she gives me for my birthday is an excuse and heartache, because i ruined her day....... well guess what she ruined my birthday.... so thanks a lot, really freaking appriciate it....